Mother's Day funnies

What Moms REALLY want for Mother's Day

10) To be able to eat a whole candy bar by herself, and drink a glass of Coke without any "floaters".

9) To have my 14 year old answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.

8) Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

7) A shower, without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hiya, Mom" just as I put razor to my ankle.

6) A full-time cleaning person, who looks like Brad Pitt.

5) For my teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

4) A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.

3) To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

2) To be able to sit down on a plane with my toddlers and not have some pencil-neck-yuppie moan, "Ohhh, nooo! Why me?"

1) Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison.

Mother's Day Breakfast

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."